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Morning, Trojan.

The Oct. 22 weekend edition

đź—ž The Rylan Report

Weekly updates on my roommate, Rylan.

  • Please give Rylan thumbs up for: washing his hands. Most of the time. đź‘Ť

  • Thumbs down for: Casually mentioning the other day that he’s accumulated a total of three parking tickets this semester. This is after I warned him that he really maybe shouldn’t park in a structure that he doesn’t have a permit for. “Nah, they won’t even check, they’re chill,” he said at the time. Well, check they did. Apparently the tickets are for a mix of improperly displaying the permit and failing to display the permit in the first place. “Such a stupid rule,” he said. đź‘Ž

  • Thumbs up for: I haven’t heard of that OnlyFans venture in a while, which I’m assuming means either (a) it’s no longer happening or (b) he’s gotten smart enough to keep his mouth shut lest it end up again in the next Rylan Report. Honestly, I’m fine either way. đź‘Ť

  • Thumbs down for: Leaving his dirty yogurt spoons in the sink for me to wash. đź‘Ž

  • Thumbs up for: Brushing his teeth — this one actually isn’t sarcastic at all, surprisingly. The man will stand over the sink for, I kid you not, five minutes every morning and night just brushing his teeth. (I’ve timed it.) I wondered whether the duration of tooth brushing correlates with whether or not he’s seeing his girlfriend that day, but it doesn’t at all. (I graphed it.) Nice work Rylan. đź‘Ť

📰 Editor’s note

  • I’m keeping today’s weekend edition pretty short, just because I’m spending a lot of time revamping Morning, Trojan’s visuals. Have a good weekend, and I’ll see you on Monday!

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Morning, Trojan is an Annenberg Media product, curated and edited by Tomoki Chien. Chris Bibona writes The Sports Corner. Questions, concerns or feedback? Just reply to this email.

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